There is a real sadness when you’re unable to conceive. You feel like such a failure and that you have failed as a woman to do what so many of your friends and family have done. After the horrific loss of my mother all I wanted was a family. I guess it was to fill a empty hole of love that had vanished which I guess is a "natural" thing. But when it’s all you want and you can’t have it, it’s so painful.
There are 3.5 million people in the UK affected by infertility, yet most suffer in silence. Women often feel isolated and inadequate - something not helped by pictures of 'perfect motherhood' in the media and on social platforms. I started sharing my journey on my Instagram@ivf_chasing_dreams. I can not believe how it was my saving grace to not feel so alone.
Question ...What is it that fulfils each and every one of us in this world? My dreams as a little girl was to be remembered on this planet as a somebody, I was always desperate to be on stage as a famous actress, years of training at drama school didn’t get me where I wanted to be. Yes I performed in many theatrical shows across the world and had a few TV appearances from Holby City to The Bill to even being on a children’s Nickelodeon show called Genie In The House, I even went down the TV reality path before I was dropped from my agent. She was not impressed even though I won the show hands down (“Falling Around With Your Boyfriend”) (cringe) But now those days are seriously over. I finally found my calling to be a mum. Im doing this blog to show you that you are not alone and to educate the world on IVF and infertility as a blogger. I have found such a sense of fulfilment in my own life by helping others on my Instagram page. I enjoy writing about my good days and bad days because not only is this a kind of therapy for me but I am educating others and spreading awareness on this battle that 1 in 4 couples have to go through, I can’t promise you what the outcome will be but I promise to share it with the world.
Throughout this journey, I assumed once we get a positive pregnancy test result, a huge weight would be lifted off my shoulders and I would be a mum. A sense of peace would come over me, a empty hole filled from the loss of my mother and finally I would know deep inside that all the pain and worry I endured was worth it. To a certain extent, those assumptions maybe true. But the day I found out that the IVF cycle was successful, was hardly the end of my journey. In some ways, it was only the beginning.
In today’s society we have on tv mothers and fathers being showcased as amazing parents or loving families But no one has documented a journey on becoming parents from the day you get taught to administer and mix your injections to surgery, the uncomfortable wait to know that your eggs and sperm mixed which made a embryo baby, transfer day to have your embryo implanted and the dreaded two week wait to get a positive pregnancy test result.
We have had one ectopic pregnancy which nearly killed me and three missed miscarriages (a baby that stopped growing and who’s heart stopped beating) several operations later and I have decided to reach out and document everything. I want to blog to show the other side of how hard it is to fall pregnant, to show the silenced tabu topic of miscarriages.
So enjoy, it’s going to be real, it’s going to be funny, I’m sure it maybe sad but what ever the outcome of this next cycle which I start in 2020 I know I have you guys reading and supporting me on this journey.
Let’s get making baby Reid